New artwork

I've been recently getting into spray painting which is helping to distract me from my feelings and it's making me feel better. 

I also did some photo editing on the one because I thought it looked neat. If anyone is interested in buying any of my artwork it is for sale, just add me on Facebook: Beck Jenkins, and send me a message about which piece you want. I can also do custom made pieces, prices of all may vary, I can give you an estimate if you message me. If you find it easier, you can also call me at 210-848-2468. 

The Great Disappearing Act

Once standing under the bright, full moon,

I tied myself to a balloon,

And as I continue to disappear,

I become lighter as heaven draws near,

This beautiful place, above me it waits,

But I am so weak, I cannot open it's gates.

In the back of my mind, I've heard that it's known,

That sometimes these gates open on their own,

And if by chance, this is just a myth,

I've brought my sharpened objects with,

If the gates aren't opening anytime soon,

I'll pull out the blade and pop the balloon.

Getting lighter, floating higher,

They don't know I'm a liar.

Not broken, but cracked,

I'm barely intact,

Almost through with the great disappearing act.

I'm up above the clouds with no fear,

A thousand feet high in the atmosphere,

Sometimes in clouds, my eyes blur from the haze,

I keep the scissors in hand on those days,

I try too keep from looking down below,

From trying to miss all I'll ever know.

As I feel I'm getting near to the top,

I feel what strength I have left beginning to stop,

The pain is unbearable and hard to contain,

Thinking so hard about what I tried to attain,

Slipping, loosing grip, don't know how much time,

Till I'll finally slip and reverse my long climb.

Getting lower, falling faster,

They don't know I'm a disaster,

Now broken, and cracked,

I'm no longer intact,

Finally through with the Great Disappearing Act.

People Just Don't Understand

I had a breakdown at work recently and had to be sent home. My life recently has gotten even worse than I thought it could. 

Im homeless, barely living off minimum wage, and essentially starving myself because if i want to afford a place to live i can't keep buying food. 

Yes life sucks, the real world is hard. 

I've even been struggling with getting back into school to get my diploma. I still faintly dream of going to college and opening an art shop. but no one is willing to help me get there. 

And i don't get people. I'd be willing to help any of my friends that needed it if i had the means to do so. but it just seems to me that no one cares that ive slept out in the cold and rain. 

So I guess i should explain what happened with work. The night before i was molested. This guy essentially swore that he would hunt me down and rape me. ive been raped twice and sexually assulted 4 times now. I hate talking about it but people make me feel like I have to. 

This guy i work with gave me a hug before work and even though i know he meant well it just triggered my ptsd. I tried to hold everything in as i unknowingly alrready had been for weeks. an hour and a half into my shift i just lost it. I strated crying and having a panic attack in the bathroom and had to leave. 

That guy is still out there. 

And that freaks me out. 

And whats even worse to me is that no everyone is treating me like im some weak helpless little girl but Im not, im trying so hard to be a man but everyone is putting me down. 

The only good thing I seem to have right now Is my girlfriend who I love very much but don't get to see enough. 

I just need help.....