As you all know, I came out 7 months ago as Female to Male transgender. And I've been living as a male since, mostly happily. At times I have missed certain aspects of being a girl, but not enough to warrant staying one. I still hate my body and feel like I was born in the wrong one. I will always feel male on the inside, and I'm accepting what God gave me and staying female. (and yes, I did just say God. I've started going to church again and I'm opening up my mind to believing in him)
Here are my reasons for this. Yes, I do miss being a girl a lot, but not because it fit who I am more, but because it was easier. Dating wasn't so complicated, life wasn't so hard, getting ready to go out in public wasn't such a challenge. I didn't use to have to painfully bind my chest to feel comfortable going out. Being a girl I did hate myself, but in a way that I could still be content with life. And I'll never be truly happy, I'll never be able to afford surgery or healthcare that's nice enough to cover that. I'll never be able to transition fully. Though I have had an overwhelming amount of acceptance from my friends, my family (most of them) have chosen to ignore my transition, and won't accept it until I "have a dick" as I've been told. I can't live like that, feeling ignored for years while I wait to have the surgery I want.
So that's what I'm giving up, being transgender. I'll just go back to being the girl they choose to see me as. And I guess that's fine with me. I'd rather have my family around any day than push them away making a choice that only makes me happy.
-Beck Howard Jenkins aka Rebecca Lynn Jenkins
P. s. I will still one day legally change my middle name to Howard in honor of my grandpa who is my hero.
Baby I feel your pain and I hear it loud and clear .. Be hear me wen I say this .. I've spent 21 years of my life as a male to every one while truly feeling like a beautiful woman on the inside .. Up until bout 3-4 months ago ive just thought to myself and problem solved why I felt so empty inside myself and the only answer is because I have not filled my beautiful inside woman self with any confidence or pride instead I choose to suppress the strong woman I am inside and have come to know her as ondra Simone lovelass .. Now I'm currently living with two friends of mine who took me in when I just wanted to and attempted to two weeks ago in Mpls .. I've met this being who sees my heart and feels my energy and feeds off of it ! Wen I thought I was nothing .. Here comes this man who every time we talk he looks me in my eyes and some how I feel I'm the luckiest women to have stumbled into his life .. This is my message to you Man! My created my spiritual god who I choose to follow put everyone here for a reason and a purpose. I can't tell u what yours is but I bet you when u reach zen within your soul its gonna be hard not to see it ! I also know that he refuses to make mistakes on all of us his creations he spent every detail on ... But changing your what I call introvert self is to fall short of who knows something that could be great for this world and your life ..I felt I needed to share because as I began to see this I could help but feel sad and tear up a bit ... Man our rainbow is not a weak facade... It's a constant reminder that AFTER THE STORM AND RAIN HAS PASS BEST BELIEVE THE RAINBOW IS THERE ALL BOLD .. VIBRANT AND PROUD TO STAND AS A FEIRCE COMPLETION ON SHITY WEATHER ! AFTER YOUR STORM BRO .. KNOW THAT the RAINBOW INSIDE OF YOU WILL GLOW SOO MUCH BRIGHTER ! DONT EVER SELL YOURSELF TO OTHERS OPINIONS .. BE YOU BRO !
ReplyDeleteBaby whether you're a boy or a girl you will always be my family. I love you so much sweet pea <3
ReplyDelete