As you all know, I came out 7 months ago as Female to Male transgender. And I've been living as a male since, mostly happily. At times I have missed certain aspects of being a girl, but not enough to warrant staying one. I still hate my body and feel like I was born in the wrong one. I will always feel male on the inside, and I'm accepting what God gave me and staying female. (and yes, I did just say God. I've started going to church again and I'm opening up my mind to believing in him)
Here are my reasons for this. Yes, I do miss being a girl a lot, but not because it fit who I am more, but because it was easier. Dating wasn't so complicated, life wasn't so hard, getting ready to go out in public wasn't such a challenge. I didn't use to have to painfully bind my chest to feel comfortable going out. Being a girl I did hate myself, but in a way that I could still be content with life. And I'll never be truly happy, I'll never be able to afford surgery or healthcare that's nice enough to cover that. I'll never be able to transition fully. Though I have had an overwhelming amount of acceptance from my friends, my family (most of them) have chosen to ignore my transition, and won't accept it until I "have a dick" as I've been told. I can't live like that, feeling ignored for years while I wait to have the surgery I want.
So that's what I'm giving up, being transgender. I'll just go back to being the girl they choose to see me as. And I guess that's fine with me. I'd rather have my family around any day than push them away making a choice that only makes me happy.
-Beck Howard Jenkins aka Rebecca Lynn Jenkins
P. s. I will still one day legally change my middle name to Howard in honor of my grandpa who is my hero.
